Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
