The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
