Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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