I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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