apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
