I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
