I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
