And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
