And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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