So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
porn star boner night. come get it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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