I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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