U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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