Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
