if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
