YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
