mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
