he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
