You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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