What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
