the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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