She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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