The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
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Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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