i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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