this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
