Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
