I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Let's get the cat blown out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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