help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
