my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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