fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
