What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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