please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
