Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
