If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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