I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
