If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
