I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
