thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
