My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
