Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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