It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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