Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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