oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
