they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
