Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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