come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
