this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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