i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I still have a little drunk in my system
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
