I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
