After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
