I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
