you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
