I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
