i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
