upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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