I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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