matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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