I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
