i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
