: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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