Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
