I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
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