So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
