it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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