They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
