Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
