I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
