look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
