$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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